Monday, January 12, 2009

Getting a Grip

I have a knack for convincing people (and sometimes myself) that I'm capable of doing things I don't really know much about. I've landed a couple of jobs this way and even got a promotion. What makes this work, is that I do have the ability to learn how to do these things after jumping in...and sometimes really well. My last job as a Market Intelligence Specialist was earned with a lot of talk, taking on a trial project and winging it, and convincing a couple of people I knew what I was doing. I was so interested in the field, I learned it and when I left my job last May I felt I had a really sound knowledge of research and analysis...and was on my way to another promotion. Oh, the feeling of being in control...

However, I had something else calling my name. It was a little one year old who would actually only scream, "Maaaaaa!" when he was upset....but still, as his mother I could hear the love in his voice.

I might have the mommy thing down....because the best I can tell, it truly is an ongoing learning experience for every mommy. There are no definite answers, no exact formulas, no set rules. So, while it's hard to say I really am doing a good job, I argue it might be even harder to prove that I'm not. In my mind, we're considering this successful. I'll let you know if that changes.

What I'm having trouble getting a hold of is taking care of my house and making it a home. I can't convince myself that I'm doing a good job of this, and I sure haven't convinced anyone else of it! You can only imagine how frustrating this may be...especially if you're another one of these mommies. When your world goes from being an environment you can control with rewards and praise to a never-ending, thankless job it is hard to figure out if and when you're successful.

Well, I'm tired of feeling out of control. I'm tired of feeling I'm drowning in laundry. I'm tired of feeling I'm losing a war with dishes. I'm tired of trying to be a gardner with nothing but dead mums and cracked pots. I'm tired of stressing at the playground about whether or not I paid this bill or that. I'm tired of standing in the middle of the grocery trying to remember what I wrote on my list that I left on the counter. I'm tired of worrying about where my next meal idea is going to come from. I'm tired of never being able to find the one paper I need as I'm going through stacks and stacks of other papers I managed to save. I'm tired of getting that sick feeling in my stomach when my husband turns to me and says, "Where did we put that warranty information?" I'm tired of laying awake at night thinking of all the things I didn't get done that day. I'm just tired of feeling like there is no control...

So, I'm on a mission to get my life back. I'm going to restore order. I'm going to learn the ins and outs of homemaking. I'm going to get organized. I'm going to make my house a home my husband and children look forward to returning to each day. I'm going to embrace my role and be successful. And Martha's going to help me... She, of course, isn't really aware of this, but helpful she shall be.

Mission. Experiment. Wishful thinking. Whatever you want to call it, I'm going after it. I hope you'll journey with me. Maybe I'll come across an idea that will help you OR better yet, maybe you can toss me an idea that will help me.

Deep breath. Okay, I'm ready. Let's go.


knittingnatd said...

Check out Real Simple! It helps and has great ideas too! Martha is pretty complex sometimes.

Emily said...

holy toledo, what a great idea, good for you. i can't wait to keep up with your progress and make a little of my own.

Samantha said...

Hmmnnn, what can I say about this blog entry other than I feel your frustration since I happen to be a person who likes to be in control (of everything!) and also happen to be married to an anal retentive clean freak who now has to live in a house that is turned completely upside down on a daily, if not hourly basis.

Unfortunately, I don't have any helpful tips for you, just a little sliver of reality that you probably don't want to only gets worse with two of them!!! Maybe you will get it all figured out before baby #2 and then I can steal all your ideas!!!!

Wishing you luck!

Linda said...

Hi Courtney!

Love your new blog! Looking forward to seeing the transformation....Good Luck!

Linda...avid follower of Clinton